Worst Deal Ever
by Elemental Fantasy 13
Summary: England is enjoying some peace and quiet at Canada's place, taking some illusive R&R, when they are rudely interrupted by a very disgruntled America. Once again England is forced into refereeing the brother's fight, and on this occasion he finds himself siding wholeheartedly with Canada. One-shot.
**Just a funny little one-shot inspired by a hilarious Pin I saw. Will hopefully be able to update 'One Kiss To Rule Them All' in the near future.
**

 **For those who are curious, the link is: (after the part it won't let me post for some reason) pin/477944579179386831/**

 **Enjoy!**

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England hummed contentedly, stirring his tea and leaning back in his seat. Mmm, peace and quiet wasn't something he often got, besides at Canada's place. Even then, these days it could be very hit or miss since Prussia had been hanging around the former colony. But he knew for a fact Prussia was off bugging Germany, and the last he'd heard America was visiting Japan's place. Something about video game collaboration. Either way, it made a lovely time to visit the quieter of the North America brothers. Canada didn't seem to mind his company, certainly, so long as he promised to only make tea and no food.

He had been here for about two days thus far, and things remained peaceful. It was his understanding that quiet conversation was in short supply for the both of them. Sometimes just sitting quietly enjoying the scenery of Canada's place, sipping their hot drink of choice, was luxury enough.

England took a careful sip of his steaming tea, frowning a little. Canada had stepped inside several minutes ago to take a call from his boss, and he'd said he just had to re-confirm something. England glanced at the combination clock and temperature gauge emblazoned with a maple leaf, residing above the back door of Canada's back door. That had been ten minutes ago. It shouldn't take that long, should it?

The answer came even as he began to worry. England sat upright in the deck chair, slowly setting down his cup and saucer as he heard raised voices coming from around Canada's house. This was moments before Canada came running around the side of the house, America right behind him.

England scowled, rising to his feet and going to stand at the deck's rail as the brothers raced around the yard bellow. _Bloody hell, what now?_ he though, irate.

"No, we had a deal!" Canada was calling over his shoulder. It would have been called yelling, but, well, it was Canada.

"It doesn't count! I was misinformed! You knew what he'd turn into," America shouted, hot on his brother's heels. He looked outraged, which was an unusual expression for him. Then again, Canada had a knack for getting through where everyone else, except for perhaps England himself, failed.

"How could I possibly have known?" Canada demanded.

"We just do. It's a country thing, like I knew about Disney. Now take him back!"

"I said no. Forget it. You agreed to take him. A deal's a deal, America."

"You call this a deal? You screwed me over!"

"So? You do it all the time."

"This is different! It humiliating."

"Really? Out of everything you have going on at your place right now, _this_ is embarrassing?"

"I don't have control over every little thing every citizen does and you know it!"

"I'm still not taking him back."

England had had enough. He leaned over the wooden rail, and aiming the shout at the bickering brothers, yelled, "Shut it!"

In perfect unison, the brothers stopped and turned to stare at him. The elder country straightened, folding his arms and aiming a dignified glower at the two of them. "Would one of you kindly explain why the lovely peace and quiet has been interrupted in favor of childish bickering? America, aren't you supposed to be at Japan's place?"

His former colony glared right back at him. Stabbing a finger at Canada, he said, "I have had it with his citizen. He tricked me into taking him, and he needs to take it back."

England lifted his eyebrows. "Take what back? And to be fair you do take credit for a good number of his citizens as it is. It's about time one turned sour."

"Not on purpose," America protested. "We can tell who's our citizen and who isn't, you know that. This is the only one he personally handed over to me."

"And you took him," Canada reminded his brother. "No take backs, we agreed. You're keeping him whether you like it or not."

"Enough, both of you. You're over two hundred years old, grow up."

"You're one to talk," grumbled America.

England chose to ignore that for the time being, calmly descending the steps to the yard. "If it is true that you made a deal, do you intend to go back on your word," he asked.

America glared at him. "He didn't give me all the details when we made the deal."

"It's not like you would have heard me if I did," muttered Canada.

"Perhaps, but did you try?"

"No. But I was going on a hunch. I didn't know for sure he'd be this bad."

England made a note to add a bit of rum to his next cup of tea. It had been a while since he'd had to deal with these two in a childish streak. Almost three whole months. "Nevertheless, a deal is a deal. Besides, he does have a point. You do tend to ignore most of what he says. Now explain to me just what it is this deal was about."

Rather than answer, America shoved a sheet of paper under the elder country's nose. England plucked it from his fingers, holding it at a more reasonable distance from his face. It took him a moment, but he recognized it as an official document drawn up personally by a country personification. It had been a few years since he'd seen one, though it didn't surprise him that they were still around. This particular document was like the many he'd seen and drawn up himself in the past, essentially a carefully worded contract that ensured whoever could be convinced to sign would take all responsibility and blame for an unwanted person, territory, invention, or city. He recognized America's scrawled signature at the bottom, but it took a minute of working his way through the contract itself for him to figure out just what Canada had saddled him with.

When he did, England honestly didn't know whether to laugh or groan. He settled for a derisive snort, handing America the document. "You signed it, lad. He's your problem now."

"But Iggy," whined the former colony.

"No buts, and don't call me that," England snapped. He turned, striding back towards the porch. "You signed the bloody thing, he's your problem. Deal with it."

"Are you sure _you_ don't want him?" urged America, hovering at his heels.

"Not on your life. Now sod off. I'm trying to relax, and I'm sure Canada doesn't want you hanging around pestering him."

"But-

" _Now_ , America."

The blond pouted, but seemed to let it got for the time being. Shoulders slumping, he trudged back around Canada's house. England sighed, returning to his seat. A few minutes later Canada joined him, plunking a bottle of rum on the table.

"Just don't add too much," he said wearily.

"Thanks, lad." England poured a few teaspoons into his cup, stirring in the liquor as Canada added some to his coffee. "Did you actually know what he'd become, or was that good luck on your part?"

Canada considered this, leaning back and looking over the sprawling landscape as he sipped his spiked coffee. "Did you know what J.K. Rowling would become, when you met her as a kid?"

England hummed thoughtfully, savoring the tea. "Not exactly, but I had a hunch. She was quite adorable as a child, but then they all are. Austria would tell you the same if you asked him about Adolf Hitler. Is that how you conned America, showed him a photograph of the lad before he became…what he is now?"

The bespectacled nation chuckled, completely guiltless about what he'd tricked his brother into. "Yes. And I asked him when he was on that spring break high he'd gets every year, told him he'd be doing me a huge favor."

England almost snorted his tea. As a rule he avoided America during those first few weeks of March, as it was when the excitement of the nations phenomena got to him. The nations weren't immune to fads or festivities that took their citizens by storm, and America was no different. His mood hit an all time high, and though he was also particularly gullible England had decided it wasn't worth putting up with the increased wild behavior to get something out of his former colony. Canada, it seemed, was braver than him on this front.

"Was it worth it?" he asked, settling himself comfortably in his chair once more.

"Every minute. He's still my citizen, but for the most part Justin Bieber is America's problem."

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